im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
