You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He kissed a someone with a penis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
