I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
