weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
