I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
