I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
