i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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