In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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