you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize