and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
