Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
how does that bad decision feel?
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