dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
