Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
