fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
