Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
