i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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