Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
