dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
