alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
