i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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