you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
