how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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