i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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