I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Randomize
