After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
