sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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