I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
