I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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