i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
