At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
