youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
