Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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