She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
