I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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