man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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