I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
