you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
a search helicopter?!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
