WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she told me i tasted like america
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
