How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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