You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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