dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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