Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
