i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
did i just pee glitter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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