you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
