Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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