i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
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Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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