Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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