He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
