Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
