if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
