can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
