If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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