Already got asked if we're dating
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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