Jerry, you need to find god
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
