She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize