So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
