If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
