True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
