people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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