Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
