My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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