9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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