Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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