i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize