between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
