That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
