I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
