I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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