Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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