Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
