return my video game
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
