I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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