don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
