I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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