The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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