He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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