Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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