Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
