I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
