Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
