I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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