some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
