I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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